It feels like women can’t go a day without being reminded just how important it is to feel “sexy,” but what about men? Just as it’s healthy for women to want to feel confident and attractive, it’s necessary for men as well. Here, seven guys get real about what makes them feel *~sexy~*. And while I did offer the synonyms of “confident/desired/attractive” as jumping off points to help them dip their toes into the pool of sensual positivity, it’s interesting to note how many of them preferred using those terms instead of “sexy” in their answers. Masculinity still so fragile.
1. “I think traditionally sexiness comes from peak presentation — a good haircut, a good shave, a perfect outfit. Part of me wants to say it has something to do with being in shape, but I have felt unattractive while thin and similarly have felt sexy when thick as well. These days I can usually get a quick boost of self confidence through sexiness if I get a quick reply on a selfie on my story. If a cute girl responds within the first 10 minutes of posting I know it’s gonna be a good night.” — Matt, 25
2. “Confidence goes a very long way in making one more attractive, so I like to do things that primarily make me feel more confident. That could be anything from staying fit/healthy or getting enough sleep to taking care of my appearance like dressing well and getting frequent haircuts. I also like to keep a clean apartment, cook as much as possible, and try to maintain a fun, lighthearted demeanor. My general guideline is to feel myself before I start worrying about women feeling me.” — Alex*, 26
3. “I think something that makes me feel sexy or desired is when I’m with someone and they initiate cuddling or getting close to me. It’s different if I initiate and they go with it, but if we’re sitting together and they decide to get close it’s a big confidence boost and I immediately feel less nervous. It makes me feel like she’s not just going along with what I’m doing, but the feeling is mutual.” — Will*, 22
4. “Being noticed and approached by a woman is one of the biggest turn ons for me. It shows she thinks I’m attractive and approachable enough to make a pretty bold move that many men aren’t used to in this post-tinder world. I’m not talking about Bumble here, I’m talking about making the move, introducing yourself in person, and at the very least exchanging numbers. That’s a huge confidence boost that makes me feel in demand and completely wanted.” — Brad, 25
5. “I’d definitely have to say getting a great workout in that day boosts my confidence level. The physicality of my workouts result in a visible ‘pump’ which lasts for a couple hours, and I have found that attracts attention. The act of working out also gets the sexual endorphins going, adding to that confidence. I work out primarily to get stronger and be in great shape, but the added benefit of attractive women eyeballing me more is a nice perk. Getting a solid arm and shoulder pump before hitting the town is a key ingredient in the recipe for a solid night out.” — John, 24
6. “Getting approached first by a woman in any way (in person, over social media, through a dating site) is definitely something that makes me feel desired since usually the guy has to make the first move. Simple stuff always makes me feel desired too, such as a new haircut, or a good picture of myself being taken. Another nice confidence boost is when I get complimented by a girl on something I deemed as risky such as a new hairstyle or article of clothing I thought I might get shit for, or posting a picture I thought my bros might goof on me for. One of the biggest guilty pleasure confidence boosters I’ll admit to, as conceited as it sounds, is Instagram likes — especially if I post a picture and people who don’t normally interact with me through Instagram, like or comment on it.” — Mike*, 24
7. “Connecting with someone is always satisfying. I put a lot of myself into making music, so if someone can understand me or what I was going for, if it makes them feel some type of way — that’s usually pretty satisfying. I don’t know if it’s sexual, but it’s definitely sexy to connect with someone emotionally. Aren’t we all trying to just be understood anyway?”